music | claudio rivera

if you’ve been living under a rock, then you may not have heard that the insane clown possee has released a new song and video. actually, even if you’ve been living in a major metropolitan area and been keeping your finger on the pulse of everything popular and current, there’s still a chance you didn’t hear. i only found out through my friend, brian diaz, surveyor of all things horrible and hilarious.

at any rate, here is your chance to witness this spectacle:

now, i realize this might be an eye-opening and thought-provoking experience for some. but, i think most of my friends that are reading this will enjoy it purely for yuks. specifically, the insane clown possee’s inability to understand very basic concepts of the physical world.

here, then, is a breakdown of almost every line in the song, along with their perfectly non-miraculously explanations:

if magic is all we’ve ever known, then it’s easy to miss what really goes on

for ages, all we knew was magic. that’s very true. fortunately, the renaissance happened, and we learned about a little thing called the scientific method, which explained many things. among them: that the world is not supported by a giant turtle. the earth is, in fact, spherical. which leads me to:

oceans spanning beyond my sight

given the shape of the earth, the oceans only appear infinite. what you’re actually seeing is just the horizon.

a million stars way above em at night, we don’t have to be high to look in the sky and know that’s a miracle opened wide

we don’t have to be under the influence to look at the sky and see stars. however, there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for the sky being littered with blinking lights. stars are just suns (like ours) that are shining from trillions of miles away. if you could view our sun from a star, it would also be lost in a sea of astronomical objects. it’s all about perspective, violent j.

look at the mountains, trees, the seven seas

mountains are formed by the movement of earth’s crust over millions of years. trees evolved from plants and the seven seas are such because of the formation and breaking up of supercontinents.

and everything chilling underwater, please

including the species that are unknown, until they’re discovered?

hot lava, snow, rain and fog

lava is molten rock. snow, rain and fog are different forms of precipitation that reach the surface of the earth.

long neck giraffes

while there is some debate about the actual advantage of a giraffe having a long neck, there is no question that they got them through the same process of evolution that gave ducks webbed feet and zebras their stripes.

and pet cats and dogs

both of which were wild animals, domesticated by humans.

pure magic is the birth of my kids

that “magic trick” of reproducing has only been one of the basic functions of every living creature since the beginning of life. had they been born in full clown makeup, then you might have a leg to stand on.

the milky way and fucking shooting stars

a shooting star is a meteoroid that enters earth’s atmosphere.

UFOs

what?!

plant a little seed and nature grows

that process is called germination.

the pyramids

the pyramids, like the washington monument and the taj mahal, are just man-made buildings. rad, but not supernatural.

fucking rainbows after it rains

rainbows are the result of light being refracted by water. it’s like the cover of that pink floyd album!

i fed a fish to a pelican at frisco bay. it tried to eat my cell phone. he ran away.

what?!

fucking magnets: how do they work?

magnetism is one part of electromagnetism, which is one of the four forces of the physical world. to the layperson, forces are a hard concept to grasp in theory, because they happen at the particle level, but fairly easy to understand in practice. for example, we all know that when you throw a ball in the air, gravity pulls it down. gravity happens to be one of the aformentioned four forces. so, in the same way that the force of gravity pulls a ball down, the force of electromagnetism makes magnetic materials pull metals and other materials towards it.

and i don’t wanna talk to a scientist. y’all motherfuckers lying, and getting me pissed

science has given us everything that we know about the physical world. the word derives from the latin word for “knowledge“. it is inherently necessary to understanding the things we don’t know. it is also non-partial and unbiased. whereas someone could lie about their work experience to get a higher-paying job, scientists gain nothing from lying about their findings. the pursuit of knowledge is purely for the betterment of everyone. there’s no reason to be pissed!

solar eclipse

a solar eclipse looks rad, but it’s no more magical or miraculous than a fat guy standing over you, blocking the sun from your eyes.

i seen a caterpillar turn into a butterfly

that process is called metamorphosis and it also makes a tadpole turn into a frog, but that’s not as symbolic or poetic or magical or whatever.

shaggy’s little boys look just like shaggy and my little boy looks just like daddy

genetics (while being a field of study that looks to explain the physical process of gene inheritence) is something that most humans understand, with no explanation necessary. we look like our parents, and our kids will look like us.

the dark carnival is your invitation to witness that without explanation

i would love it if the dark carnival could explain truly unexplainable things, instead of elementary physics.

take a look at this fine creation

do i really need to go there? ugh.

crows, ghosts, the midnight coast

wait. you’re putting crows in the same boat as supernatural apperitions? that’s like saying you believe in santa claus and fedex, and can’t understand how either can deliver packages so efficiently. hint: one doesn’t exist, and the other has perfectly reasonable logistics.